


family isn't always blood (but it can be)

by ennui_ephemera



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Drug Withdrawal, Dysfunctional Family, Family, Gen, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, alternating pov, just three boys trying to learn how to be a family
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-03
Updated: 2018-08-23
Packaged: 2019-06-21 02:23:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15547515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ennui_ephemera/pseuds/ennui_ephemera
Summary: Aaron was angry.Andrew didn't care.Nicky cared too much.None of them had good experiences in being a family. To them, family wasn't blood, wasn't the people they were born with or the parents who raised them - or didn't  raise them at all. It was the people they chose, the ones who'd chosen them back. To them, family meant two previously estranged twins and their cousin.Andrew, Aaron, and Nicky learn how to be a family. It isn't easy.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so i didn't mean to post this so soon or even start writing this yet but folks i just have so many feelings about these jerks and it's what they deserve. i hope you enjoy

Nicky was stupid, Andrew decided. Aaron was too, for that matter. 

Nicky was stupid because he left his happy life in Germany with his boyfriend to take care of Andrew and Aaron after Tilda died. Nicky was never hesitant to share personal details about himself, so even Andrew, who’d only known Nicky for a couple of weeks, knew that his life in America had never been great. Yet here he was.

Originally, Andrew had planned to stay in juvenile detention until he aged out. That way they couldn’t stick him back in the vicious cycle of Foster care. It worked out for him, really. He was away from the people who wanted to hurt him and _had_ hurt him, and he got three hot meals every day and a bed that was just his. He didn’t need anything else. What happened after juvie didn’t matter.

But most importantly, Aaron was far, far away from him and the very same people that drove Andrew to getting himself locked away. Aaron was safe, or at least, he was supposed to be.

All of that changed when Andrew’s dear uncle decided to meddle with things he should have left alone. They looked like a mirror image, he and Aaron. No one would have been able to tell the difference if it weren’t for Andrew’s orange jumpsuit and handcuffs and Aaron’s fading bruises. 

After all of Andrew’s best attempts, someone was still hurting Aaron. He was not safe. Andrew would not rest until he was. 

Plans changed, and Andrew narrowly avoided a second term in juvie so he could leave and destroy the person hitting Aaron. All it took was a deal, a change of clothes, and a fiery car crash. 

The crash took a lot of careful planning on Andrew’s part. Not only did he have to pretend to be Aaron and convince Aaron to take his place for the day, but he needed to get proof that Tilda was really beating Aaron. Then he needed to kill her and make it look like an accident. 

It went smoothly for the most part. Right up until Andrew woke up in the hospital after a car accident he miraculously survived but that oh so tragically took his mother. He expected to wake up alone, not to his so-called cousin from Germany who decided to take it upon himself to become Andrew and Aaron’s legal guardian after their mother passed. 

Really, he didn’t need Nicky at all. After Tilda died in the crash, Andrew was prepared to face the world alone. Or, well, with Aaron. But then their endlessly optimistic cousin popped up and decided to buy a fucking house. Andrew would tell him to fuck off, but he was only sixteen and didn’t really have a choice in that matter. And there was no way in hell he was going to live under the same roof as Luther. 

If it weren’t for the drugs, Andrew was convinced Aaron would never speak to him again. But Aaron never could control his angry outbursts when he was high. It was another thing Andrew had to fix. 

Before he could start planning anything, however, he needed to choose his room. The house Nicky bought wasn’t necessarily large, but it was a lot nicer than most of the houses Andrew had lived in. They didn’t have a lot of furniture yet, but the house didn’t look empty, either. There was a bedroom downstairs that Andrew would have preferred for a multitude of reasons, and two more upstairs. Before he could put his backpack full of clothes in the downstairs bedroom, Nicky claimed it, leaving Andrew and Aaron the rooms upstairs. 

“I thought this would be better. You guys can have your privacy away from your _guardian_ ,” Nicky said with a friendly smile neither twin returned. 

Andrew didn’t like the way Nicky emphasized guardian, but he didn’t comment on it. Instead, he went upstairs and took one of the bedrooms up there. He was pleased to find all the rooms had locks on them. Even if they were a little old and loose, they did their job and kept out unwanted visitors.

“Okay, now that we’re settled in, I was thinking the three of us could go out to dinner?” Nicky asked, clasping his hands together in front of him. 

That’s why Nicky was stupid. He was naïve and optimistic and hopeful. In lieu of answering, Andrew sunk down on the couch with the intention of not moving again for the rest of the day. Aaron didn’t reply, either. 

Andrew couldn’t tell if Nicky really didn’t know Aaron was high half the time or if he just wasn’t mentioning it. Either way, Aaron only took his pills when Nicky wasn’t around to witness the whole messy ordeal. 

“Guess not, then,” Nicky said, his voice dimmer. “That’s alright. I’ll order take-out instead, which is probably better anyway. Otherwise I’d never unpack all the dishes.”

Nicky left Andrew and Aaron alone in the living room, which was a mistake on his part. They weren’t talking, he and Aaron. They hadn’t really before, but now instead of the silence between them being lasting, it was now lasting and tense. Not that Andrew cared. Andrew stared at the TV screen, despite it not being plugged in yet, and adamantly ignored his brother’s heavy glare on the side of his head. 

In less than an hour, Nicky cleared away the boxes from the dining table in the kitchen and laid out the assorted cartons of Chinese food. Andrew still refused to move from the couch, despite Nicky’s constant attempts to coax him to join him and Aaron at the table. He only grabbed a fork and a carton of food when Aaron locked himself upstairs in his room and Nicky was too busy washing the dishes to notice him. 

After Andrew ate a few bites of orange chicken and fried rice, he left the carton on the coffee table and went to his room. Aaron’s room was quiet when Andrew passed it, and Aaron was undoubtedly busy inside trying to block out the rest of the world. 

The sun was just starting to set so Andrew still had a couple hours before he would be able to sleep. There wasn’t a lot to do. He didn’t plan on doing his homework or studying for the upcoming chem test, and he didn’t want to go back downstairs where Nicky would badger him with idle conversation. He could unpack his things, but all he had was his backpack with a couple of clothes and a toothbrush. He didn’t even have a dresser yet. 

Nicky didn’t have enough money to buy a lot of furniture, so he bought the essentials. There was still a little bit of money left over after Andrew bought his car with Tilda’s life insurance money, but Nicky made them put that away for college. Andrew didn’t have plans for the future, let alone college, and Aaron wasn’t going to college if he kept going the way he was going, so Andrew didn’t know why Nicky cared.

He craved nicotine, so Andrew shook out the last cigarette from his pack and lit up. There was a smoke detector in the room, but Andrew only cared enough to shove the window up and pop the screen off with the blade of his pocket knife so he could flick ash outside rather than on the carpet. 

Andrew could hear Nicky moving around downstairs, probably unpacking all the boxes they brought with them. Most of the stuff was from Tilda and Aaron’s apartment, but Nicky also recovered some things from his old room in his parent’s house.

It wasn’t until it was nearly eleven when the sounds stopped and Nicky went to bed. Andrew, who was previously stretched out on his bed with one arm thrown underneath his head like a pillow as he stared at the cracks in the ceiling, waited a couple more minutes in case Nicky forgot anything before he sat up and grabbed his keys. He might as well get another pack of cigarettes, since he was still up and the convenience store nearby was open twenty-four hours. 

The drive was quiet since Andrew didn’t bother turning on the radio. He preferred the silence when there was no one there to ignore. When Andrew got back with two new cartons of cigarettes in tow, he didn’t bother being quiet. He didn’t care if Nicky knew he had snuck out, it’s not like Nicky would scold him. 

Aaron was in the hallway when Andrew rounded the corner. Andrew brushed past him without glancing his way, but he noted that Aaron’s pupils were blown large enough Andrew could see it in the corner of his eye. Tomorrow, when Aaron was in school, Andrew would stay behind and flush all of the pills down the toilet. 

There was a possibility Nicky would still be in the house as he searched for jobs and waited for calls back, but he would be easy enough to bypass. If Nicky fussed about Andrew skipping school, Andrew could always pretend to be coming down with something. He was good at pretending, and Nicky didn’t know him well enough to know the difference. 

Andrew stubbed his second cigarette out against the window sill and threw the butt out. Then he yanked the window back down and locked it. He didn’t think he would be getting a very restful sleep tonight, but that hardly mattered; Andrew knew how to function with little sleep. 

The wispy remnants of his cigarette circled around the room, already starting to dissipate when the air conditioning kicked on. Andrew closed his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i definitely plan on finishing restart, but i really really wanted to start this project since i've been thinking about it for so long - even longer than pause and restart. the chapters are probably gonna be a little shorter, but i'm hoping updates will be more frequent.
> 
> anyway, i really hope you liked the first chapter!! thank you for reading :D
> 
> (also, i'll be updating the tags as we go along, but if anyone catches anything that i haven't tagged yet, please tell me and i'll make sure to tag it (: )
> 
> my tumblr is sunshine-knox, if anyone wants to message me there


	2. Chapter 2

Recapping his pen and throwing it down on the desk did absolutely nothing to make Nicky feel better about his situation. He’d been scouring through newspapers for a solid week and a half, circling promising help-wanted ads and making calls, but he had yet to get a single call back. At this point, he would never hear back from a prospective employer and Nicky would run out of money for food and he and the twins would starve. His parents had money, but calling them was off the table. And it wasn’t like they’d even pick up.

Nicky had only been back in America for a little over a month, and he was already missing Erik desperately. They skyped when they could, and talked on the phone or texted when they couldn’t. It was hard with the time zones. He wished Erik could have come with him, or else Nicky could have brought Aaron and Andrew back to Germany, but both options were impossible. Erik had his job, and the twins had their schooling. But that didn’t make any of this easier. 

He didn’t want to say he was already cracking underneath all of the pressure – he wasn’t – but Nicky knew for a fact that he _was_ stressed. He never planned to go back to America, back to his parents, but Aaron needed him. Andrew did too, Nicky thought, even if he didn’t know the kid until a couple weeks ago. 

Speaking of Andrew, Nicky was pretty sure he wasn’t going to school at all. Several times when Nicky got up in the morning, Andrew was still there when he was supposed to be in class. Nicky thought he should have said something, but he didn’t know what to say and it was likely Andrew would just ignore him. Nicky had scarcely heard a single word out of Andrew so far, and none of which were directed at Nicky. 

Nicky was worried, to say the least. Andrew didn’t seem to talk to anyone, it was like he was a shadow sticking to the walls and saying nothing. He didn’t like being in the same room as anyone else for very long, either. Maybe he was just adjusting. Nicky knew he grew up in the Foster system – a fact that tugged at his heart just a bit – and Nicky didn’t know Andrew enough to decide anything. 

Aaron was a completely different story. When he wasn’t sleeping he was angry, but at least he was going to school most of the time. Aaron was different than before Nicky left for Germany. He was older, but not much taller. Angrier, but not much happier. 

Nicky partly blamed himself. Aaron was going through a lot, and instead of being there for him and helping him out, Nicky packed his bags and hightailed it out of the country. Aaron had a right to be mad at Nicky. And then there was the car accident. Crash. Aaron sat alone at the funeral since he wouldn’t let Nicky or anyone else close and Andrew hadn’t even come. 

A door slammed upstairs, startling Nicky from his thoughts. If Nicky hadn’t already known Andrew was here, he would have thought this house was haunted. Andrew’s footsteps were quiet when they descended the stairs, and he didn’t spare Nicky a glance when he entered the kitchen and started going through the shelves. He pulled several cans of soup and green beans out and turned to leave again. 

“Uh… What are you doing?” Nicky asked. Andrew didn’t pause or reply before he stomped back upstairs. Nicky had half a thought to follow him, but Andrew hadn’t really been eating lately so Nicky thought it would be better to just leave him be. 

Nicky checked the time on the stove and decided to go look for a job elsewhere, since the newspaper obviously wasn’t helping at all. Aaron would be home from school in about an hour, but Aaron usually stayed behind and hung out with friends for a few extra hours after school. Or at least, that’s what Nicky hoped he was doing. 

After a slight hesitation, Nicky decided to leave a note behind in case Andrew came back downstairs and noticed his absence. He jotted down that he’ll be out looking for a job for a couple hours, and not to worry. 

If he needed anything he had Nicky’s number and in extreme emergencies, Luther’s. But Andrew was even less likely to call Nicky’s dad than Nicky was. Nicky didn’t know what happened between the two that made Andrew so against him, but it must’ve been bad. Nothing else seemed to get a reaction out of Andrew, and yet Andrew could hardly be in the same room as Luther. 

Nicky finished the note with his name on the bottom, even though Nicky was the only other person home and Aaron wouldn’t have left a note.

Since he didn’t have a car and Andrew wasn’t intent on sharing, Nicky had to walk. Nicky wondered when Andrew even got his license, since he would have needed one to buy the car. Tilda wasn’t much of a teacher and didn’t seem the type to take either Andrew or Aaron out to learn how to drive, so Andrew must have picked it up himself. Why he didn’t also teach Aaron was beyond Nicky. But then again, Andrew didn’t even want Nicky in the driver’s seat of his car, and Nicky already _knew_ how to drive.

The first help-wanted sign Nicky came across was one for a Veterinarian. Nicky paused and thought about it. He wasn’t really an animal person. They were cute, but he had no idea what to do for an animal, he never had a pet growing up. And the thought of cleaning up dog crap didn’t really appeal to Nicky. But he desperately needed a job so it was worth a shot. 

The lady at the receptionist desk was nice enough, but she seemed busy considering there was no one else in the lobby. She gave him an application and went back to typing out something on the computer before Nicky could even thank her. Nicky tucked it in his back pocket and continued his search.

Nicky didn’t get back to the house for a couple more hours. He’d gotten three applications from different places and even talked to the manager at a diner. He had way better luck than when he started, maybe he should have skipped the newspaper and gone right to meeting in person. 

When Nicky unlocked the door and pushed it open, the first thing he noticed was the frantic banging upstairs and angry shouts. Nicky’s stomach dropped to his toes as he ran up the stairs, taking them two at a time. 

Andrew stood in the hallway with his arms crossed and looking wholly unimpressed at the bathroom door. “Andrew, what’s going on? Is Aaron _locked_ in there?”

Nicky moved to open the bathroom door, but Andrew blocked him and pushed him away from it. Nicky hit the wall behind him hard enough that it knocked the air from his lungs. He stared up at Andrew in shock, but Andrew’s expression didn’t change and he didn’t move away from the door. 

Aaron shouted something incomprehensible again and slammed against the door, causing it to shake on its hinges. For a second, Nicky thought the door would give, but it stayed intact. 

“Come on, that’s not funny. You can’t just lock your brother in the bathroom –” Nicky started, but Andrew raised an eyebrow that said _I can and I will lock my brother in the bathroom._ “Why?”

“I am fixing this. He needs to get off his mother’s drugs and he is too stupid to see it,” Andrew said evenly.

All Nicky could do was stare at him. This was the most Andrew had spoken to anyone in nearly a month and Nicky couldn’t seem to make sense of any of it. A part of Nicky knew that Aaron was taking drugs, he was twitchy and irritable and his eyes were red, but to hear it confirmed by Andrew of all people felt surreal. 

“Do not try to let him out. He has food and water. I even put a blanket in there. He’s staying put until he is done withdrawing,” Andrew said in a monotone, returning his bored stare on the door. 

Nicky wondered whether this constituted as an extreme emergency and if he should call his dad, but decided it would only make things worse. Luther would be quick to say that this proved Nicky couldn’t manage without him, and Nicky desperately wanted to prove to his dad and to the twins that he could do this. Plus, Andrew might react negatively to Luther’s presence. 

Aaron had gone quiet when Andrew spoke up, but when he was done he started banging on the door again. “You _fucking_ bastard –” 

“He has enough food?” Nicky asked quietly, not knowing what else to say. 

Andrew nodded but didn’t look his way again. He had a blanket and pillow at his feet, and Nicky realized Andrew really planned on camping out in the hall the entire time Aaron was locked in the bathroom. 

Aaron was relentless in his attempts to break out of the bathroom and even more so in trying to get Andrew to unlock the door. His voice was raw from yelling so much and Nicky thanked God that none of their neighbors could hear him. He didn’t quiet down until well into the night when Nicky assumed Aaron must have passed out. When Nicky peeked upstairs, the bathroom was quiet but Andrew wasn’t asleep. He stared at Nicky with an unnervingly blank expression until Nicky retreated back downstairs.

Nicky didn’t think he would be able to sleep if he tried, so he finished filling out all the applications and planned on turning them in tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love nicky hemmick so much
> 
> and hey! i wasn't going to update this until next thursday, but i was just too excited to really get this story on the roll. so y'all get an early update! i'm most likely (i'm going to really really try to) update every week, but if i get ahead enough, i might think about updating twice a week? it really depends how busy i'll be with school since it's starting back up again. 
> 
> thank you for the comments/kudos/bookmarks, they mean the world to me, and i hope y'all are liking the story!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings for this chapter: mentions of drug/drug use. depictions of withdrawal and dissociation. lots of anger :(

Time started to blur together, and Aaron couldn’t tell how long ago it was that Andrew locked him in the bathroom. 

If it weren’t for the drugs leaving his system and making him shaky and sick, Aaron would be fuming. He stopped banging on the door when he began to crash, feeling too dizzy and delirious to stand properly, let alone to try to knock the sturdy door down. He didn’t know if Andrew was waiting on the other side of the door or if he’d left already. Either way, he didn’t respond to Aaron’s threats. 

“If you don’t let me out –” Aaron tried again “– I’ll call the cops. Luther. I’ll call Luther.”

Andrew had snatched Aaron’s phone out of his hands before he shoved him through the door and locked it, but it was worth a shot. Maybe Nicky would crack and call Luther instead. 

Sometime in the night, Aaron gained some semblance of balance and rummaged through the cabinets in the bathroom. There wasn’t a lot in there before, but Andrew must have swept through and removed everything sharp or heavy. Good thing too, Aaron had half a mind to stab him when he got out. 

Aaron sank to his knees and searched through the cupboard under the sink, pushing towels and cleaning supplies out of the way until he found what he was looking for. Triumphantly, Aaron pulled the small box onto his lap and ripped the lid off. When he found it empty, Aaron cursed and threw the box across the room as hard as he could. It was too light to do any damage, but it hit the wall with a thump and slid to the ground on the other side of the toilet. 

The small carboard box was where Aaron kept the assortment of pills that he didn’t have on him. He’d already swallowed the rest of them after school, leaving him empty handed. Andrew must have found them when Aaron was out of the house. Now there was nothing to make the withdrawal and crash any easier. 

The shaking in his hands worsened as Aaron began to feel the effects of the crash. Aaron balled his t-shirt in a tight fist until his knuckles whitened. Gritting his teeth together, Aaron scooted backward until his back hit the wall. He pulled his legs up to his chest and ignored the subsequent nausea rolling in his stomach from the sudden movement. Resting his head on the wall did nothing to help, no matter how hard he pressed the back of his skull into plaster. He stayed like that for several minutes into his stomach gave a painful gurgle. 

At first, the thought of food made Aaron want to retch, but he hadn’t eaten anything since lunch the day before and his stomach was killing him. Luckily Andrew had thought to leave a couple cans of cold soup for him. The cans were even the kind with the tab, so Aaron didn’t need a can opener for them. How generous of Andrew.

Aaron slurped the chicken noodle quickly, but before he could get half-way through the can, his stomach lurched and he barely managed to get to the toilet bowl in time before the soup made a reappearance. Aaron gripped the sides of the bowl, soaking up as much strength as he could from the cold porcelain. Aaron would always be pissed at Andrew for this, but at least he locked him in the bathroom rather than a closet or something. 

“I’ll never forgive you if you don’t let me out. Andrew – I’ll hate you forever,” Aaron said weakly after he washed the taste of bile out of his mouth. Aaron wasn’t even sure if that were true, but he knew he meant it at that moment. 

The cravings were bad. Sometimes Aaron craved more drugs so badly he wanted to tear his hair out. He wanted to scratch at his skin or yell so loudly no one could ignore him anymore. It had never been this bad before when he always had something to fall back on, to make things easier. Now he had nothing. Nothing but a few cans of soup he couldn’t eat and a blanket Andrew left on the toilet seat. 

Even though it was the middle of September and South Carolina didn’t get cold until November, Aaron felt like he was freezing. No, he felt like he was being roasted alive. He was freezing and burning at the same time and the only thing to make it feel better was pressing his cheek to the cool tile floor. The blanket felt scratchy and rough against Aaron’s sensitive skin, but it was too miserable without it. At one point, Aaron climbed into the bathtub with the blanket and tried to get some sleep, but he gave up when it was clear all he was doing was tossing and turning. 

That wasn’t even the worst part. The worst part was the anger – no the _fury_ that seemed to consume him from the inside out. Aaron thought it would choke him, he was drowning in it. 

He was angry at his mom, angry at Nicky, Luther, and Maria. He was angry at the world and the drugs and all the people in it. He hated his lot in life, hated his school, hated the first drug he ever took. He hated himself for being weak and seeking refuge in something that had already torn his mother apart. He hated that he needed more. Aaron hated with such a ferocity he was sure it would split his skin at the seams and rip him apart. But most of all he was furious with Andrew. Andrew, who stepped into his life and fucked everything up. 

Aaron didn’t know what he was getting into when he agreed to that deal. He regretted it more than anything. Aaron was desperate when Andrew moved in. He wanted Tilda to stop hitting him but he wanted her attention all the same. When Andrew promised to protect Aaron and get Tilda to stop hurting him, Aaron was quick to accept it, not knowing what that entitled. Aaron agreed to that deal thinking it was going to be him and Andrew. Instead, Andrew all but ignored his existence until months later he had Aaron pretend to be him so he could go off and murder their mother and make it look like an accident. 

Now he was without a mother. The only people Aaron had was a monster for a brother who didn’t give a shit about him and a cousin who was better off elsewhere. And now he’d been locked in the bathroom to suffer by himself. _Yeah, fuck you too_. 

“Why are you doing this?” Aaron asked, his voice scratchy and weak in his throat. No one responded, but Aaron knew the answer already. Andrew was doing this because he hated him and this was punishment. 

For one dizzying moment, Aaron wasn’t sure if Andrew would ever let him out. He might leave him in here to die. He wondered if anyone would notice, if anyone would care. Nicky would, maybe. 

The guys at school would, but only because they wouldn’t be selling anymore product to Aaron. No more money for them. 

Maybe Aaron was already dead and this was hell. It felt like hell. The lights were too bright and blistering and he was burning, burning, burning. The obnoxious yellow wallpaper was peeling off the walls and Aaron’s throat was dry. A voice that sounded a lot like Luther’s said he was in hell and a voice that sounded a lot like his mother’s said he deserved it. Andrew’s voice said nothing.

“Andrew – please, let me out. I won’t tell anyone. I just need – I need –” Aaron wasn’t sure if the words were really leaving his mouth or if he was just thinking them. His head felt heavy and all he could do was stare at the spotty showerhead with burning eyes as the world spun around him. The drain dug into the back of his head like a cold hand against his sweaty hair. “Andrew, I think I’m dying. Let me out. _Fucking let me out!_ ”

Andrew’s voice said nothing while Tilda’s screamed. Aaron screamed louder.

Words fell out of Aaron’s mouth that he wasn’t sure he meant, words sharp like daggers and horrible, horrible, horrible. He spat them out like poison that was burning him and hoped that it burned everyone else, too. He bared his teeth and aimed for the throat, trying to draw blood, to draw anger, to draw something. _Pay attention to me._

After a couple more hours in exile, Aaron didn’t know what day it was, whether it was Saturday or Sunday, if it was Monday and he’d missed the chem test. Either way, his stomach felt more settled and his head a little clearer so Aaron picked at one of the soup cans with shaky fingers and ate as much of it as he could manage. He drank water from the tap, practically chugging gallons of it down until he felt bloated. When he was able to keep that and the soup down, Aaron forced down the rest of the can and passed out in the bathtub. 

When he blinked open stinging eyes, the mirror was hovering over him, but it was wrong. Aaron blinked again and realized the image wasn’t a mirror of himself at all, but Andrew staring down at him with a blank face. Aaron lashed out with a snarl but he was too clumsy and uncoordinated and he ended up with his head in the toilet as he retched helplessly. One of Andrew’s hands was bunched up in Aaron’s t-shirt to keep him from faceplanting in his own vomit, but Aaron shoved him away. 

“Get away from me. I never want to see you again, I swear to god,” Aaron slurred, giving the most withering glare he could manage in his drugged haze. 

Andrew gave him an unimpressed look before leaving again and locking the door behind him. A few more cans of soup were lined up on the counter and Aaron grabbed one and chucked it at the door, viciously pleased when it left a dent in the wood. 

It was dark outside again, but Aaron left the glaring lights on despite the headache pounding in his temples. He didn’t want to look at himself in the mirror, but it was hard when it made up most of the wall across from him. He perched on the side of the bathtub, testing his balance and his weak stomach as his eyes roamed his pale face and gaunt cheeks. Dark bags hung underneath his red-rimmed eyes, making him look like he hadn’t slept a wink of sleep in at least ten years. His haggard-looking face was framed by greasy blonde hair that fell down in his face and Aaron had the urge to shave it all off just so he didn’t have to look at it anymore. 

There were two Aarons; the Aaron in the mirror and the Aaron looking at him. 

Aaron licked his cracked lips and splashed water over his face to try to bring himself back to his body. When he turned off the faucet with as much derisiveness as he could, a tapping at the door caught his attention. He stilled, listening for the tapping again and wondering if he’d just imagined it. Maybe the house had mice. Maybe a ghost haunted more than just Aaron. Maybe he was finally losing it.

“Aaron?” Nicky’s voice was muffled from the other side of the door, but it was Nicky nonetheless. Aaron scrambled to the door and frantically turned the doorknob back and forth. 

“Nicky, you’ve gotta let me out, man. Let me out before Andrew comes back. Nicky please,” Aaron pleaded, shaking the doorknob again. When the other side stayed quiet Aaron slammed his fist against the door so hard his hand twinged. “Let me out! Let me out!”

“I’m so sorry Aaron, but you need to be clean. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Nicky said quietly. Nicky’s constant apologizing grated on Aaron’s already thin nerves, making him kick the door instead. 

“God damnit don’t be sorry, _let me out_. Help me.”

“I am helping you. This is what you need,” Nicky said, his voice wavering. 

Aaron snatched at the lack of confidence and clung to it like a lifeline. “You sound like Andrew. You don’t need to listen to him, you know. You can let me out.”

“I’m sorry. I can’t, I can’t.” Aaron couldn’t tell if Nicky was crying or if Aaron was about to pass out. His voice sounded so muffled and far away.

Nicky left after that and Aaron couldn’t do anything else to try and convince them to let him out. He was going to die in here. They were going to let him rot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaron, that poor kid. 
> 
> ayyy another thursday! i'm so glad i got to post today, i've been looking forward to it all week. school's starting back up again, but i'm gonna try my hardest to keep updating regularly :)
> 
> thank you for all your kind comments and kudos! and thank you all for reading :D i love u all <3 hope you enjoyed this chapter


	4. Chapter 4

Andrew opened the bathroom door that afternoon. Nicky wasn’t in the house because he was searching for more job opportunities, so he wasn’t around when Andrew let Aaron out. 

Aaron was passed out on the floor by the door when Andrew walked in, curled up in on himself with the blanket pulled tight over his body. Andrew thought about pouring some cold water on Aaron’s prone form to wake him up, but Aaron’s eyes cracked open a sliver. “Go to hell,” he said.

Andrew didn’t react to that, instead he made sure to leave the door open when he left again. Aaron didn’t leave the bathroom right away, despite his insistence to be let out. When he did leave, he made a bee-line to his room and slammed the door hard enough to make the wall shake. Andrew had already gone through everything and gotten rid of every last pill Aaron could possibly take, though he was sure Aaron wouldn’t be thrilled to go through withdrawal again. If Aaron knew Andrew at all, he would know that Andrew would do it all over again if he had to. 

Nicky got back, looking disheartened and downcast, but he paused when he found Andrew idly watching a stupid crime show on the TV downstairs rather than being parked outside the upstairs bathroom to play babysitter. 

“Is he out?” Nicky asked hesitantly. 

Andrew nodded without looking up. “He’s clean.”

“Thank god. Is he pissed?”

Andrew made a dismissive gesture and let Nicky go find out for himself. Andrew didn’t care that Aaron was pissed at him; he could be angry all he wanted but it wouldn’t make Andrew change his mind. Aaron would have never sobered up by himself and so if Andrew hadn’t forced Aaron off of those drugs, it would have killed him. Andrew would never let that happen, not after everything he gave up to keep Aaron safe. 

It didn’t matter if Aaron never forgave him, or if he hated Andrew forever. Andrew didn’t care. _He didn’t_.

There was that test tomorrow in chemistry, but Andrew didn’t particularly give a shit about the difference between covalent or ionic bonds. He needed to go anyway, though, because Aaron was going and Andrew needed to make sure he wasn’t buying any more drugs.

Aaron didn’t try to talk to Andrew for the rest of the day, which was expected. He didn’t talk to Nicky either, despite his best attempts, and behind all his obscenely cheery smiles and chatter, Nicky seemed to be taking it hard. 

Somehow Nicky had managed to wrangle both Andrew and Aaron to the table for dinner the next day with the promise of chicken enchiladas served with cheesy empanadas. Nicky could have an entire conversation with a wall, so he chattered away at Andrew and Aaron. Aaron only picked at his food. His appetite was still suffering, then. 

Andrew ate quietly and methodically. He used his fingers to strip the meal into smaller pieces before he ate it. Nicky didn’t seem perturbed by the twins’ silence, instead he talked a mile a minute about the jobs he was looking at, the once he’s applied to already, and occasionally mentioning his job in Germany and life with Erik. Andrew listened but didn’t respond while Aaron glared at his food and ignored them both. 

After dinner Nicky washed and put away the dishes before he set up the Xbox. Aaron still refused to say a word, but he hovered around the living room and accepted the controller Nicky passed to him. 

“Alright,” Nicky said, lifting up two game cases. “Call of Duty or Fallout?” 

Neither Andrew or Aaron responded so Nicky shrugged and decided for them. Nicky offered Andrew a controller too, but Andrew just stared at him impassively before Nicky’s smile flickered and he put it away. 

Nicky and Aaron sat on opposite sides of the couch and played videogames for a couple hours while Andrew stared at the screen and zoned out in the armchair. 

“Andrew, are you sure you don’t want to play?” Nicky asked, waving the third controller around in way that was probably supposed to be enticing. Andrew paused, tilting his head to the side in thought, and then shook his head. Nicky accepted that and started another round for him and Aaron. 

Eventually Andrew grew bored and went upstairs to his room. He lit a cigarette and adamantly ignored Nicky’s voice in the back of his head telling him not to smoke in the house. He smoked it slowly and watched each spiral of smoke leave the window and disappear into the night sky. 

Andrew couldn’t really see the stars from his perch on the windowsill. All the street lights washed them out, making them seem farther away even though they hadn’t moved at all. Andrew used to enjoy looking at the night sky. It made him feel alone and small, somehow it was comforting. He stopped looking when he went to juvie. 

A low swoop in his stomach reminded Andrew of his fear of heights, even though he could never really forget. Andrew peered down at the slanted ledge of the roof that dropped into the driveaway and tested how long he could stay put before his heart rate sped up too quickly. Feeling came rarely nowadays, and while Andrew didn’t particularly care to feel anything, fear was familiar. Familiar was safe. 

Andrew forced himself to stay on the windowsill until his cigarette sputtered its last breath. Andrew took one last drag before he stubbed it out against the sill with his fingers, letting the heat singe his fingertips before it died. He got ready for bed even though he didn’t feel like sleeping; routine was safety.

Every sound seemed to be amplified at night, and Andrew had long ago trained himself to distinguish every footstep and possible threat in the house. It was not a skill he could easily lose, so Andrew had no problem hearing when Aaron came upstairs and turned on some music in his room. Andrew thought Aaron must have fallen asleep quickly since his room went quiet except for the music. He’s probably still grateful to be sleeping in a bed rather than on the floor of the bathroom. Andrew turned over in his own bed so his back was against the wall and closed his eyes. 

He might not care about the chem test tomorrow, but he didn’t want to go to school sluggish and exhausted. And yet he couldn’t quite get himself to fall asleep. 

After a few more minutes of staring at the dark wall and listening to the quiet music emanating from Aaron’s room, Andrew pushed the blanket off of him and crept out of his room. He wasn’t sure if Nicky was still awake or not, but he didn’t think he would be in the kitchen if he were. 

The only light downstairs came from the thin strip underneath Nicky’s door and from the streetlights outside. Andrew slid by the door, ingrained habit keeping him near the wall where the floor was less likely to creak than fear of punishment if he were to be caught. He flicked the light on in the kitchen, making the figure sitting at the table jump. 

Andrew stared at Aaron and Aaron stared at Andrew, neither saying anything to the other. Aaron looked startled more than anything, like he couldn’t believe the kitchen actually had lights and he didn’t have to sit in the dark. 

The circles under Aaron’s eyes were dark and prominent, like he hadn’t slept for days – which he probably hadn’t. His posture was terrible, shoulders hunched and hands clasped tightly in his lap. His eyes weren’t bloodshot anymore, at least. Andrew wondered if someone would be able to tell him and Aaron apart if they looked at them. If they knew which twin was supposed to be the mentally unbalanced one. 

Andrew never wanted a twin. He never wanted someone who shared everything with him right down to his genes. He and Aaron were similar, but not the same. There was no point in torturing himself with how things could have been different in other circumstances, though. It didn’t matter if Aaron never found out about Andrew’s existence, or if Andrew had never been dumped into foster care. _If_ never changed anything.

When Aaron continued to stare and say nothing, Andrew flicked the light off, plunging the room back into darkness and went upstairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's the daaaaay
> 
> i've honestly been looking forward to today all week, even if this is just a filler chapter hfjdkd
> 
> hope y'all enjoy this one


	5. Chapter 5

The envelope had stayed buried underneath junk mail for two days now, but Nicky was still too scared to open it. He knew that he had to eventually, that it probably wasn’t as bad as he thought. That if he didn’t pay the bill soon his electricity and water would be cut off. 

Nicky grabbed the stack of envelopes and slumped down on a chair at the kitchen table. He briefly buried his face in his hands before rubbing his eyes and opening the first bill. 

Even though Nicky constantly went through the entire house to make sure all the lights that weren’t being used were off, that the air conditioner wasn’t blasting until the heat was too unbearable, and that he and the twins didn’t use too much water while showering, the bills were still high. Nicky wanted to call Erik more than anything in the entire world, but he’d be sleeping right now and Nicky didn’t want to bother him. They hadn’t been able to talk longer than five minutes for several days and Nicky was feeling the distance keenly like a knife through the ribs. 

He’d known that being away from Erik for so long would be hard, but he didn’t realize that he’d only last three weeks of putting up a strong front before he broke down. Nicky had been doing better since then, but there was rarely a night he hadn’t cried from the stress. Calling Erik helped. Skyping was better. It still hurt to be away. 

On top of it all, Nicky had barely heard from any prospective employers. If he didn’t get a job soon, there was no way he’d be able to keep paying the bills. Every time Nicky spent money he stressed about it even more. He’d been trying to keep spending to a minimum, but the twins had needs. Last week, Nicky discovered Andrew only had three shirts and a pair of jeans that were too big on him. Aaron wasn’t any better along. Nicky rushed them both to the store so they could get new clothes, but every dollar spent was a stone dropped in Nicky’s stomach. 

Nicky’s phone lit up on the table. When he answered it, his heart leapt when a lady at the veterinary office introduced herself. _Please._ Nicky thought. Please be a job offer. 

“This is Nicholas Hemmick, right?” 

“Yes! Yes,” Nicky said. “I was hoping to get a call from you guys.” _Or anyone really._

“Do you think you can come in tomorrow morning for an interview? We reviewed your application and think you might be a fit for the office.”

Nicky jumped up from his chair and circled the table. “Yeah, of course. I’ll definitely be there.”

“Great. We’ll see you tomorrow morning at 10 ‘o clock. Until then, Mr. Hemmick.”

“Right! Thank you so much for this opportunity.” 

Nicky didn’t tell the twins about the interview when they got home from school, and he kept quiet about it at dinner. He didn’t want to say anything until he was confident he might get the job, and he didn’t want to get their hopes up. He did tell Erik all about it when they skyped later that night, though. Talking to Erik soothed every stress-induced wound like a balm. Nicky didn’t even think about the bills waiting for him downstairs.

Things were finally starting to look up and Nicky felt like he could finally breathe again. 

The next day Nicky set three alarms to make sure he didn’t oversleep. He made sure the twins went off to school then he got dressed in the nicest shirt and pair of slacks he owned. He tugged at his pant leg and wished he had bought another pair that fit him better. Usually Nicky tied his hair back so it was out of his face, but he kept it down and brushed it so it looked nicer. 

Nicky checked the time on the oven and decided to skip breakfast and start walking straight to the vet’s office so he wouldn’t be late. Making sure he didn’t leave anything behind, Nicky patted his pockets one last time and left the house. 

The temperature was starting to get cooler as September ended and October began. Nicky thanked god for that because although the walk wasn’t very long, he didn’t want to be sweaty by the time he showed up to his interview. 

When he arrived on the front step of the vet’s office, Nicky took two deep breaths and stepped inside.

~ ~ ~

The interview was a disaster.

Not only was Nicky nervously stumbling over his words at first, but when he finally did get into the groove of talking, all of his humor and easy-going nature fell completely flat with the interviewer. The man interviewing Nicky was tall man named Mr. Borowski. He had graying hair trimmed neatly and impeccable posture with an indestructibly steely face. He reminded Nicky of his father, which did absolutely nothing to help calm his nerves. 

Any attempt at a joke bounced right off of him and died at Nicky’s feet. Mr. Borowski’s face never so much as twitched when Nicky talked, but somehow, he still managed to convey dissatisfaction that made Nicky feel inadequate. Maybe he was. Mr. Borowski didn’t ask a lot of questions or really respond to Nicky’s chatter, so after only ten minutes or so, Mr. Borowski stood up without a word and opened the door. 

Nicky thought that was the end of his terrible interview, but Mr. Borowski just motioned for him to follow and led Nicky to one of two doors that led to where the animals were kept. The room Mr. Borowski took Nicky too was the dog room. 

“Are you going to feed me to the dogs?” Nicky joked without thinking.

Mr. Borowski stopped and turned to him with a single eyebrow raised. He definitely reminded Nicky of his dad. He said coolly, “Are you implying that these dogs are vicious animals, Mr. Hemmick?”

Nicky blanked. He had not been implying that at all. “Oh no, of course not. I’m sure all of these dogs are perfectly friendly,” Nicky assured profusely. When Mr. Borowski continued to scrutinize him and effectively make Nicky feel ten times smaller, he added weakly, “Just a joke.”

Mr. Borowski hummed under his breath and opened one of the kennel doors. Inside was an excitable brown mutt that bounced around Nicky’s and Mr. Borowski’s legs when they stepped inside. 

Nicky hesitated before he dropped to his knees and patted the dog on its head. The dog yipped excitedly and licked at Nicky’s hand and face while he laughed and avoided getting slobber on his shirt. The dog wiggled around so much it nearly knocked Nicky on his butt. “Hi there. What’s this one’s name?” he asked, looking up at Mr. Borowski. His expression was unreadable. 

“Yapper,” he said. 

“Seriously?” Nicky laughed again and scratched behind the dog’s ear. “I can see why. You’re not vicious, at all.”

Mr. Borowski did not laugh. Instead he motioned for Nicky to get up and led him farther back. The next kennel had a bigger dog that looked like a mix of a poodle and one of those fancy chickens. When Nicky stepped inside and reached out, the dog immediately growled and snapped at his fingers. Nicky yanked his arm back with a startled gasp and nearly backed into Mr. Borowski when he stumbled out of the way. The dog barked and nipped at Nicky’s ankles. 

“That’s quite enough. You shouldn’t expect every dog to be as friendly as the last, and you can’t tactlessly reach out to a dog you’ve never met without thinking. I believe we are done here,” Mr. Borowski said, it was the most he’d spoken the entire time he interviewed Nicky. He locked the kennel and breezed past Nicky into the lobby. Nicky swallowed and cradled the fingers he nearly lost to his chest and followed him. 

Mr. Borowski waited in the lobby with an unimpressed frown on his face and Nicky knew he’d blown it. He tried not to let the failure drag him down, but he couldn’t help it. 

“I don’t think you’re a fit for this veterinary, Mr. Hemmick. Unfortunately, we will not be hiring you. Have a good day.” 

Nicky’s cheeks blazed and he couldn’t make himself meet Mr. Borowski’s eyes. “Yes, sir. Thank you for the interview.” 

What made matters worse was Nicky had barely taken ten steps back home, stewing in embarrassment and anxiety, when he got a call from the twins’ school. 

“Hello?” Nicky answered when he pressed his phone to his ear. 

“Mr. Hemmick? Guardian to Aaron and Andrew?” 

“Yes. Is everything alright?” Nicky chewed on his lip and pressed his back to the wall of some thrift store so he wasn’t in the way of people walking on the sidewalk. 

“Aaron and Andrew were involved in a fight and they have both been suspended for three days. Since we can’t let them leave without your permission, you will need to sign them out.” 

Nicky’s heart sank. This day truly couldn’t get any worse. “I’ll be there. Were they hurt?”

There was a pause on the other side of the phone. “Nothing that a little ice won’t fix.”

Nicky thanked her and hung up after that. He wanted to cry, but he needed to keep it together for the twins. Nicky allowed himself to close his eyes for ten seconds before he changed directions and headed toward the school. 

Both Andrew and Aaron were sitting in the hallway when Nicky arrived at the principle’s office. Aaron’s head jerked up at his entrance, and Nicky could see his split lip and a black eye that was already beginning to swell. Andrew didn’t look up at all, but Nicky noticed he tensed when Nicky got close. His face was unmarked but his knuckles were bruised and still crusted with blood. 

Nicky opened his mouth, but before he could say anything, the principle’s office door opened and Mrs. Lann beckoned Nicky inside. She told him to take a seat as she straightened up a few papers on her desk and gave Nicky a stern look behind her horn-rimed glasses, like he was the one in trouble. Mrs. Lann was older than Nicky but still young enough to be consider _young_. Her mousy brown hair was cut into a short bob and she wore her glasses around her neck on a beaded chain. She always reminded Nicky more of a librarian than a principle. 

“What happened?” Nicky asked when it was clear Mrs. Lann was waiting for him to speak first. 

Mrs. Lann clasped her hands on top of her desk. “Andrew and Aaron were both involved in a fight with two other boys. Andrew broke one of the boys’ nose, but fortunately for you, his parents have decided not to press charges.”

“But Aaron got punched too. Did the other boys get suspended as well?” Nicky asked, feeling indignant on the twins’ behalf. There were four boys in the fight, according to Mrs. Lann, but only Andrew and Aaron were waiting in the hall. 

“The other boys have been dealt with, Mr. Hemmick.” 

“Who started the fight? It’s not fair that Andrew and Aaron are the only ones being punished,” Nicky argued. 

“Mr. Hemmick, to be frank with you, Andrew caused the most damage in the fight. That is why he’s being punished.”

“What about Aaron?”

Mrs. Lann pursed her lips. “I think we should be talking about Andrew’s issues with authority and how he resorts to violence, don’t you think?”

“Bullshit, that’s not an answer.” Nicky didn’t care if he was being rude. This entire day had been absolutely shit so far, and it wasn’t even half way over. Forgive him if he was feeling snappy. 

Mrs. Lann raised her eyebrows at Nicky’s outburst but decided not to comment on his rudeness. 

“Like I said before, the other boys have been talked to and dealt with already. They are not your concern. We are here to talk about the twins.” Mrs. Lann said, and just like that, the fight deflated out of Nicky and he motioned for Mrs. Lann to continue. “If Andrew’s behavior continues the way it has been, he may be expelled. Aaron won’t be too far after.”

“Mrs. Lann, please,” Nicky pleaded, his heart squeezing in his chest. “They’re not bad kids, I swear. Just give them a second chance.” 

“This is their second chance. But this is also their last warning. Fix their behavior or else they have no place in my school.” Mrs. Lann said. Nicky’s eyes fell to his hands which were clasped so tightly in his lap his knuckles were turning white. When he only nodded, Mrs. Lann sighed and said, “I know they’ve had a rough time this past year, but that’s not an excuse for violence. We want everyone to feel safe and welcome here.”

Nicky nodded again, his throat starting to close up. Mrs. Lann excused him after having him sign a paper and Nicky turned to leave. When Nicky’s hand was on the door, Mrs. Lann cleared her throat, making Nicky pause. “I’m willing to give them another chance, but they are the ones that have to be willing to take it.”

On the ride home Nicky managed to convince Andrew to let him drive them home. Andrew didn’t argue, but his movements were still tense and jerky when he practically threw the keys at Nicky’s chest. Neither twin spoke during the ride back to the house, not even to offer up an explanation about what really happened. 

Instead, Aaron looked like he was doing his best to disappear in the backseat and wouldn’t meet Nicky’s eyes. Andrew never took his eyes off Nicky, though, and his stare was trained to every one of Nicky’s movements. Nicky thought of the bruises that Aaron used to sport before Tilda died and he could only imagine what Andrew went through in his foster homes since Andrew refused to talk about it, but it couldn’t have been good. He winced. Nicky would never in a million years hit either one of them, but they had no way of knowing that. 

Nicky’s hands tightened on the wheel as sadness and anger at what the twins had been through curled in his gut. He wished he could protect them from the world’s cruelty. Aaron didn’t catch the movement, but Andrew’s shoulders bunched up. Nicky cursed himself and forced his hands to relax. 

Nicky let the twins go in the house before him. He debated staying in the car for a little while longer and putting this off until later, but that would help no one. He sighed and followed Aaron inside. 

Andrew sat on the farthest cushion on the couch and pretended to watch the blank TV screen, but he tensed again when Nicky closed the door behind him. Aaron stood off to the side, facing Nicky but still not meeting his eyes. 

Nicky swallowed. He took a deep breath and said as steadily as he could, “I’m not mad, and I’m not going to hit you for getting into a fight.”

Aaron’s shoulders slumped with relief but Andrew’s face remained impassive as he slid a look Nicky’s way, the tension in his body never easing. “Bullshit,” he said, repeating Nicky’s earlier sentiment but for an entirely different reason. Aaron flicked a look at his brother, his face tightening. 

Nicky winced. “I promise I’m never going to hit you, Andrew. Nothing you do will change that. I know you had a hard time –”

“You don’t know anything,” Andrew said, his voice low. 

“Okay, I don’t. But that doesn’t change anything.” Nicky sighed in exasperation. “I don’t know what happened with the fight, but we can talk about that later.”

Nicky didn’t know if he was supposed to ground the twins or not. He’d never had to ground anyone before, but he’d been grounded plenty of times. “Uh – you’re both grounded. For like, three days?” 

Neither twin reacted, but the air around Andrew seemed to change from aggression that Nicky hadn’t noticed before to his regular boredom. “And um. Car keys. I’ll keep them with me until you go back to school. Okay?”

Andrew responded by gazing at Nicky impassively, so Nicky thought it was worth a shot. When that was settled, Nicky went to his room, telling himself it was so the twins could relax and not because Nicky was hiding. He sank down on the foot of his bed and buried his face in his hands, shooing away his father’s strict voice in his head calling him a failure. _You will ruin those boys with your poison, Nicholas. You will ruin them as you have been ruined._

He wouldn’t. Or at least, he would try really, really hard not to.


End file.
